there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
