Whod you bang
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
