Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
