I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
