About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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