Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
