Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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