He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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