there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
