can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
