I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
