I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
