I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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