Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
