she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
why is half of my head shaved?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
