dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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