You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
