the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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