Yo dont text me then not text me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
