I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
