Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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