he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
