I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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