u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
