I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
