I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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