he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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