Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
