you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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