the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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