I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
