I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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