i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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