90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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