someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
