he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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