Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
