I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
