Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
