Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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