whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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