It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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