Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
