My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize