We won't sleep together?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
