I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
