you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
