After last night, I could never be a politician.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
