I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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