I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
