that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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